Pictured with me (second from left) are my Mom and sisters.

It is said that the four things a dying person wants to say to loved ones are: please forgive me, I forgive you, thank you and I love you.

This sentiment can also be felt by those left behind as I experienced with my mother’s death last month. I am happy to say she lived her life the way she desired and was still in her home when she passed at 92. In spite of our good relationship, I regretted my impatience with her at times. I wished that I have spoken to her one last time to tell her I was sorry, that I loved her and yes, to thank her. I hope that during her brief moments of alertness in her last days, she could hear my words to her.

As a personal historian, I have helped individuals compose legacy letters, sometimes called “ethical wills,” which help people sharetheir values, blessings, life’s lessons, hopes for the future, love, and forgiveness with their family and friends. Unlike a legal document which distributes material wealth, an ethical will is a heartfelt expression of what truly matters most in your life.

As one of my colleagues once said, “We leave money, we leave land, we leave possessions, but why don’t we leave wisdom? Wisdom acquired in a lifetime is as much a part of our family’s legacy as its possessions.”

I am fortunate to work with hospice patients and as I gather their stories, I weave the highlights of their lives into a card with photos, which provide keepsakes for their families. Last summer, one man wanted to dedicate his card to his granddaughter. In it he shared poignant memories of their times together, trips they’ve taken and their shared love of history. He concluded by saying, “my hope is that you will follow your dreams and do what you want in life.” He ends by thanking her for visiting him on holidays and school vacations – telling her, “you will always be mine.”

Have you thought about preserving what’s really important? A legacy letter may be one of the most cherished and meaningful gifts – something that can be shared with family while you are still living. For more reasons to create a personal history, visit www.reallifelegacies.com. For help clarifying your memory-saving goals, call (716) 753-0987.